My husband lies in a hospital bed in the Intensive Care Unit fighting to live. A deadly combination of influenza, strep throat, and pneumonia ravage his system and steal his breath. I breathe in the air, which smells stale and antiseptic, through a filter of a mask. Four bags drip fluids and medicines into his veins. Oxygen tubes in both of his nostrils help him to breathe. Monitors beep with his heart rate, oxygen rate and more. Looking at him now, it feels surreal. Days before he was a healthy and active man.

This moment a few weeks ago is without a doubt one of the scariest and darkest moments of my life.

Hard times? Turn to core desired feelings

I turned to my core desired feelings, the way I want to feel every day, to find some relief during his hospital stay. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I could do it.

Danielle LaPorte writes in The Desire Map that “Desire brings light to darkness.” My husband’s health emergency became the ultimate test of that premise.

Living by my core desired feelings is a practice which I come back to every day. Plus, I teach as a Desire Map facilitator. Some days it is easy. During difficult times, it can feel almost impossible to achieve my core desired feelings.

Small acts with these feelings in mind can help

First, I took a step back and tried to figure out what small things I could do to feel a bit better. Here’s what I did to stay in touch with my desires during an awful time.

To feel DEEP CONNECTION:

• I spent hours by my husband’s bedside showing his small acts of service, which is his love language. I covered his toes with the blanket, adjusted lighting, or charged his phone.
• I updated friends and family around the world daily throughout the ordeal. Their wishes gave my husband words of affirmation, another of his love languages.
• I deepened my connection with the friends who stepped up to help our family in this time of need.
• Once I knew we were out of grave danger, I felt grateful for the loving and deep connection my husband and I share. I celebrated that we will continue to live a life together of love, laughter, and adventure.

To feel FREE:

• I asked for help. A group of friends rallied to care for my son for the week and make sure he and I got fed. Another friend started the monumental task of sanitizing all our sheets and bedding.
• I felt grateful that I worked for myself and was free to set my own schedule.
• I canceled or rescheduled all appointments and volunteer commitments.

To feel CREATIVE:

• I listened to a novel by audiobook (River of Stars by Vanessa Hua)while driving to and from the hospital. It also kept me company while eating alone in hospital cafeterias.
• I came up with several ideas for personal essays based on my situation.

To feel HYGGE:

• I found pleasure in simple things. A gorgeous sunset on a drive home. Snow falling outside the hospital window.
• I snuggled in a hospital blanket just out of the warmer.
• I admired the daffodils and tulips given to me by friends on my kitchen table.
• I took short walks outside or practiced restorative yoga after a long day at the hospital.
• I carried a thermos of tea and packed treats to bring with me to the hospital.

To feel CURIOUS:

• I asked doctors and nurses lots of questions and took notes.
• I asked to see my husband’s chest X-rays to see for myself the improvement in his lungs.
• I explored the hospital checking out the chapel, gift shop, and eating at all three cafeterias.

Feel the negative feelings too

By doing these things, I didn’t forget or invalidate the shi**y situation happening. I still felt sadness, fear, uncertainty and more. I allowed myself to feel my negative emotions rather than bottling them up. Lots of tears were shed.

While I did things to help me experience my core desired feelings, I felt better. Sometimes the good feelings lasted a bit beyond the action that produced the feeling. I don’t wish difficult moments on anyone, but when they do arrive I’ll agree with Danielle LaPorte that:

"In the toughest of moments, what makes me feel better is thinking about my core desired feelings."

May I feel a deep connection, creative, curious, free and hygge. May you feel how you desire too.