I don't know about you, but I tend to have high expectations around holidays such as Mother's Day. Do you too? Yet this can often lead to disappointment when things don't play out as imagined. When you involve kids, the only thing I know for sure is that there will be surprises. The problem is some of the surprises are pleasant and others are not.
As Mother's Day only happens once a year, I can feel pressure to create and experience the ideal day. Everywhere I look businesses thrust their version of an ideal Mother's Day on me. Flowers. Cards. Brunch. Massages. Unless you work in retail, I think you'll agree that the day is a commercial excuse to pamper mothers.
I find the following quote from Danielle LaPorte especially true:
"Excessive expectations block fulfillment."
How would it feel if you let some of your expectations go about Mother's Day?
Design a meaningful Mother's Day with your feelings in mind
Here's a radical idea. Don't try to have the ideal Mother's Day. Instead, try for a meaningful day instead.
What would happen if you designed a day where you focus on how you want to feel first and then make your plans? A day where you stop trying to be Supermom. A day where your desires are not ignored.
How do you feel about Mother's Day?
I know that you're thinking that your feelings about motherhood, mothers, and Mother's Day can be complicated. I get it.
Everyone - as children of mother's - has feelings about the day and mothers. If you are a mother yourself, you add an extra layer of feelings.
Answer the following three questions. Be as specific as possible.
How do you feel about Mother's Day? Loved. Bliss. Overjoyed. Sad. Lonely. Grief. Mixed feelings. Don't know how you feel.
What do you feel grateful for about mothers, motherhood, and Mother's Day?
What feelings of dissatisfaction do you have about mothers, motherhood, and Mother's Day?
To give you an idea, here are my answers to the above questions. I am fortunate to have a close relationship with my mother, who I also consider a friend. I am a bit sad that she is currently out of the country and I cannot talk to her on the day. Raising a baby and toddler was hard work. I am appreciating greater ease as a mother during my son's elementary school years. On Mother's Day, I look forward to spending a gorgeous spring day with my husband, son, and in-laws. I anticipate reconnecting with my mom over Memorial Day weekend.
How do you want to feel this Mother's Day? What can you do to make that happen?
When my son was a toddler, I longed for a quiet, peaceful breakfast in bed on Mother's Day. And to be honest, freedom from the responsibilities of being a mother for a moment. Instead, my son joined me with his own tray.
Here's the interesting part:
This turned into an experience we both treasure and started a tradition. So starting Mother's Day this way helps me feel two feelings I desire: connection and hygge. Plus, the breakfast in bed tradition allows me to show my unconditional love for my son. Also, we both experience our shared love languages: quality time and touch.
For the rest of the day, I want to feel free to get out an enjoy the gorgeous spring weather with my family. I'll eat lunch with my in-laws and feast on a BBQ at home for dinner, which is a simple pleasure that is very hygge.
How about you?
How do you want to feel on Mother's Day?
Most of all, what you can do to make that happen?
In addition, what can you stop doing to feel that way?
Design your day to feel how you want to feel from morning to night. Or, even better, for the entire weekend.
Desire more this Mother's Day?
The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte inspired this article. My experience with the Desire Map process made a huge difference in my life as a person and as a mother. As a Type A high achiever at a pivot point, the Desire Map helped me to remember that the whole point is to feel good. As a result, I became a Desire Map facilitator to share the process with others. If you're interested, here's my story.
Are you ready to design a life that feels good?
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- Exercises for tuning into your inner desires
- Clarity on how you feel and how you want to feel.
- Visualization audios, worksheets, and videos
- An introduction to The Desire Map, a tool for holistic living, and it’s creator, Danielle LaPorte
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Also published on Medium.